New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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