I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
