Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
