hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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