i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
