No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
