my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
