I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
