you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
