My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
