It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this just has baby written all over it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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