i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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