i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
