im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
