I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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