Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I still have a little drunk in my system
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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