sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
