ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize