Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
