Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
