At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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