shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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