i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
