Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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