he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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