It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
