either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
