I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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