We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Terrible idea I love it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
