She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
