Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
