i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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