nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
love makes seman taste better
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
