It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
