I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
