so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
