I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
nutella sex= disaster
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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