so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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