He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
