honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
