Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
