I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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