i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
