My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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