I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
