I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
