A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
