You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
