I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
