Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
