hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
