Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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