one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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