??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
