So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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