Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize