Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
