So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize