remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
