Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
