you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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