guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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