Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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