The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
