Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
