So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
