I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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