So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i love accidental penises.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
