you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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